The customs and way of life of the Russian people are widely reflected in Russian proverbs, in particular, in the most complete collection of V. I. Dahl's "Proverbs of the Russian People"to date. Let us consider the traditional ideas of the Russian peasant community about people entering into an independent life and starting a family.

In Russian proverbs, the family appears as a blood-related association of the patriarchal type. However, the male leadership in the family is sometimes challenged by the female half. And in general, proverbs about the family appear as two contradictory groups of sayings. One creates an image of an ideal patriarchal family and shows what it should be like. The second one reveals what is happening in the life of the family in reality, how the relations between its members develop. What requirements did our ancestors have for those who start a family? What was the groom supposed to be, and what was the bride supposed to be? The main advice that proverbs give to the bride's family is that parents should carefully look at the potential son-in-law so that in the future they do not have to regret the concluded union: "The Groom is like a horse: the goods are dark"; "Not for the father to give, but for the young man"; "The blind merchant is beaten with a whip".

The most important requirement was that the groom must either be sufficiently wealthy or be able to work in such a way that there was no material shortage in the family: "People get married for cabbage soup, they get married for meat."; "They don't like a good guy, they like money." The groom is intended by God, so you should not think about his appearance: "If the betrothed is a freak, so it will be at the gate"; "You can't go around the betrothed with a horse (and crooked shafts)."

As for age, the groom must be several years older than the bride. The proverb says: "The bride will be born, the groom will be married-

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nya sits down." However, do not think that the groom has already matured so much by the time the bride is born. Just a proverb reminds us of the ancient rite of initiation "into the being of citizens" of boys aged from two to seven years (and the Cossacks even earlier), as evidenced by I. M. Snegirev (Snegirev I. M. Dictionary of Russian proverbs and sayings; Russian in their proverbs. N. Novgorod, 1996, p. 265). The custom of putting a small boy on a horse is also mentioned in M. A. Sholokhov's novel "The Quiet Don", where one-year-old Grigory Melekhov was first put on a horse, and he immediately clung to the horse's mane, which was considered a good sign of the future Cossack.

Both too young and elderly grooms have their own advantages and disadvantages: "The husband is old, so suffocating, young, so not friendly"; "For the old to live-only a century to live"; "To live for little is only to suffer." Naturally, it's best to marry a peer: "For an equal to live-amuse yourself." For those who do not succeed, proverbs advise you to find your advantages in any situation.: "It's fun to live for the young, but it's good for the old."

The proverbs do not raise the question of the religion of the groom (and the bride too) at all, since at the time of their emergence Orthodoxy was the dominant religion in Russia, and non-Christian marriages were simply not allowed among the Russian population. In addition, realizing that her daughter's marriage on the wrong side would limit her contacts with her relatives, and also fearing a stranger, the bride's family preferred a guy who was far from ideal, but who lived nearby: "Even for lysk, but close"; "Even for a beggar, but in Tatishchev".

Since marriage was considered by our ancestors primarily as a mutually beneficial property and economic transaction (the girl, becoming a wife, was dependent on her husband, and the man acquired a worker who was supposed to run the farm, and the successor of the family, who raised offspring), the rest seemed secondary, and the bride did not have the opportunity to choose at all.

Of course, proverbs recognize that the positive qualities of the groom are preferable ("The groom is cheerful, the whole marriage is joy") and that it would be good if the bride liked the groom ("A man in the heart is half the crown"). But if it happened that "the viper got a grape berry," the young wife should not complain. After all, it was believed that it was better to be the wife of even a bad husband ("My hood is Ustim, but it's better with him") than to remain in the girls. So the bride had to accept what her parents offered her: "It will finish off the need for a thin husband"; "There is no such thing, you will marry this one"; "If you don't find a boy, you will marry a stump"; "Even if you marry an ox, you just won't be in the house". As for the emotional experiences of the bride, who, most often, does not

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asking her opinion, they could pass off not only for an indifferent, but even for a person unpleasant to her, then the girl's suffering was presented as an empty whim: "She will endure - she will fall in love". The bride was offered not to grieve over the unsuccessful marriage, but simply to look at the flaws of her husband and try to benefit from them: "Do not grieve krasava that you got caught for a drunkard: he will beat you, not carry you, but volyushka is his own."

Law and custom made it impossible to declare oneself husband and wife one day and renounce the promises made before the altar the next. The proverb clearly states: "There is a marriage, but there is no divorce." And no one cared about the circumstances under which the marriage union was concluded, whether the young people and their parents had time to make sure of its necessity: "A bad priest will marry, and a good one will not debunk." Of course, anyone can make a mistake. But since there was no turning back, proverbs tried to warn the groom: do not make decisions about starting a family in a hurry: "Don't marry a hot horse."

You need to find out about the bride in more detail: "Do not wring the rowan tree is not ripe, do not match (do not take) the girl is not found out." Proverbs recommend not to be deceived by a beautiful appearance, since there is no special sense from beauty: "I can't drink water from my face, I would be able to bake pies"; "The red wife can't hit the wall". On the contrary, excessive attractiveness can cause trouble: a beautiful wife can turn many people's heads, and the husband will have to suffer from jealousy. The proverb says: "A beautiful wife is for a blind man (i.e., a blind man. - L. S.) joy". It is better, people believe, to find out carefully what others say about the bride-neighbors, acquaintances: "Choose your wife not with your eyes, but with your ears." Since there are no people without flaws, you can come to terms with some of them. The main thing is that others don't come up later. Therefore, like the groom, it is better to take the bride from among acquaintances, even knowing in advance that she has some flaws: "The near hayanka is better than the distant khvalenka" - after all, who can guarantee that a laudatory review about a stranger corresponds to the truth?

A kind of "quality guarantee" was considered the family from which the bride was taken. After all, people have long noticed: "An apple doesn't fall far from an apple tree"; "Like the uterus, so are the babies." So the groom was guided by the rule: "Choose a cow by horns, and a girl by birth (by parents) . " If the parents were respected by others, then their daughter should have been brought up in a decent way.

Another advice that the groom should have listened to was to take an equal in social status: "Everyone cut down a tree on their own." A socially unequal marriage, or rather, a marriage in which the husband was from a lower class, could hardly bring happiness, since the husband could not count on a dominant place in the family, and the patriarchal system did not allow this. That's why it advises on-

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The proverb:"Don't take a horse from a gypsy, don't take a daughter from a priest." Of course, there is a different shade of meaning here. Having been seduced by the well-groomed popovna, brought up in affluence and bliss, the groom risked introducing a Belarusian woman into the house, who did not know how to manage the household, since she was not accustomed to it from childhood. A similar idea is conveyed by another proverb in tune with the above: "Do not buy a horse from a coachman, and do not take a daughter from a widow: the coachman's horse is broken, the widow's daughter is spoiled."

Since marriage was seen primarily as an economic union, the bride was preferred to be financially secure ("If the wife were even a goat, if only golden horns"), so her parents were asked to take care of their daughter's future in advance: "A daughter in the cradle-a dowry in a peddler." However, people understood that wealth allows its owner to feel like the master of the situation. Therefore, proverbs advise the groom to think carefully before deciding to combine fate with a rich girl, because it is not known what her character is. It may also happen that she or her family will constantly be reminded of the origin of wealth in the house. Then he will not enjoy a life of wealth: "Zhenya has a stake in her throat." And since people have always valued peace of mind very highly, proverbs exhort: "Take it, so as not to repent, live in love and not to worry"; " It is better to marry a poor woman than to quarrel with a rich one." In the end, as the saying goes, referring not only to marriage, but also to other diverse life situations, "money is a matter of profit", and therefore to achieve material well - being is a task that can be fully completed by entering family life: "If there were a bone and a body, then make the dress yourself." In addition, the wife's lack of her own means of subsistence will make her submissive to her husband, dependent on him in everything: "Bezpridannitsa-irresponsible".

There was another reason why the bride's wealth wasn't always attractive. A good dowry could be compensation for any shortcomings of the girl: "A chest with linen, and a bride with a thorn (with a hump)". The idea that the presence of a dowry in itself does not guarantee a happy family life was also instilled in the bride: "And a large dowry will not make a husband"; "A dress in the garden, and a fool on the hand"; "A dowry in the chest, and a freak on the hand".

Important for family life was the character of the future wife. Positive spiritual qualities were her main advantages: "The peacock is red with a feather, and the wife is temperamental." Especially appreciated was the modesty of the bride, the absence of excessive curiosity, stubbornness and pride in her: "Red girls have their ears covered with gold," says the proverb, hinting that girls should not pry into other people's affairs, and if they learn something secret, they should remember: "The word is silver, and silence is gold." It was with this gold of silence that they were to be treated.

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cover your ears: "What a girl doesn't know, that's what makes her beautiful"; "Humility is a girl's necklace".

The bride was not supposed to spend all her time in idle entertainment, outside the house, communicating with a lot of strangers: "Birds are in cages, and girls are in teremas"; " Sit, maiden, behind three thresholds (locks)"; "Keep the money in the dark, and the girl-in tight quarters". But, remembering that "God takes care of the protected", folk wisdom advises not to wait until the girl becomes bored in the home "cramped" and she wants to break free. That's what the proverb suggests to the father-mother:

"Drain the braga, don't ferment it; give the girl away, don't grow it."

So, the main requirements for the bride are as follows: from a respectable family, modest, compliant, obedient to her husband, if possible, provided with a dowry, younger than the groom, equal or even lower than the groom in social status, with a good reputation, i.e. positively evaluated by others.

However, popular philosophy also understood that the ideal is something that people strive for, but rarely achieve: "If everyone liked it, then the kingdom of heaven would not be necessary," and "a wormhole is not enough for a red apple" - you can give up some of the requirements. Therefore, proverbs advise the groom and his relatives not to be too picky about the chosen one, otherwise you can remain a bobyl forever: "Choose a lot - you will not be married." Meanwhile, it is bad for a lonely person to live: "The family is at war, and the lonely one is grieving"; "One brand goes out in the field, and two smoke"; "You live - there is no one to talk to, you die - there is no one to cry"; "The childless one will die, and the dog will not take it"; "And in paradise it is sick to live alone". In general, "A bachelor is half a person", and "The family porridge boils thicker". So the conclusion of a family union, according to popular opinion, expressed in proverbs, was an inevitable transition to a new stage of life, to what is destined for everyone: "Every bride will be born for her bridegroom."

Rostov-on-Don

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